Are you incapable letting it go?
I thought we were moving past this, not sinking into the same old rut.

55 Things That Make Me Happy.

-waking up in the middle of the night and seeing that you still have hours to sleep

-long hugs

-unexpected compliments/kind words  

-feeling independent 

-when someone uses your name in a sentence

-making people laugh

-surprise visits

-photographs of memories

-sunsets

-answered prayers

-getting letters in the mail

-waking up on a day you've looked forward to

-new, beautiful scenery 

-clicking with new people

-laughter (yours and other's) 

-being so happy you can't explain it

-new clothes/underclothes 

-holding hands/linking arms with someone you love

-long walks

-seeing your friends after a long time apart 

-feeling appreciated/loved

-holding a baby

-fresh, clean bed sheets 

-having a good laugh with someone you love

-making someone smile

-summer evenings 

-bonfires

-coffee dates with people you love

-going to bed with a smile on your face

-coming home after a long time away

-a hot cup of tea on a cold day

-when someone remembers something small about you (ex: how you take your tea)

-big comfy sweaters

-pajamas/sweaters that aren't yours

-going barefoot

-listening to your favorite music  

-crawling into bed after a long day

-new pajamas 

-making plans with your best friend(s)

-pulling your baggage off the carousel at the airport when you're finally home

-picking up your pet from the kennel 

-new music that instantly becomes your favorite 

-puppies

-rolling down the windows on a warm summer day

-parks

-blasting music in the car

-coming inside from being out in the cold

-new episodes of your favorite tv show(s)

-watching a movie you were really excited for, for the first time 

-getting into the story line in a new book 

-staying up late talking to your best friend(s) 

-feeling like a kid again (ex: playing grounders , tag etc.) 

-sisters

-photo albums

-birthday cards

You keep pretending you're okay with this, and i'll keep pretending that i don't see that you're not. 

Such an ugly heart. Such a tragic waste of a pretty face.

My Aim In This Life Is To Never Be Religious.

The word "religious" leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I hate it. I despise it. 

To an atheist, I suppose that yes I am religious because I am a Christian. They would think the same of a Buddist or Muslim or any other religion. 

When I think of the word religious I think pompous, prideful, holier-than-thou Pharisee types. The type that think they're better than you just because of a title. Or a deed. 

 And I don't want to ever be like that. I don't think ANYONE should be like that- regardless of their beliefs.

A friend once referred to her boyfriend's family as "religious". She simply said "his family is religious but he's not". It struck me as offensive. Not in a personal "I'm offended that you said that" way. And she by no means said it disrespectfully or meant any harm by it. But the word itself left a bitter taste. The word itself I find to be disrespectful to the very idea of Christianity. 

As a Christian, I am called to love and respect and help. 

Associating my faith with the word religion is almost insulting. 

Because the word religion is no longer what it was. Now it is a stereotype. Of hypocrites and liars. 

I wouldn't hold it against someone who didn't know any better and I'm not personally offended by it. But it's like saying the dirty water in a puddle is the same as fresh water from the tap just because it's both water. 

Christianity is a religion. Technically. But it is not meant to be anything near what the word religion means in today's world. 

That being said- my aim in this life is to never be religious. 

Are you who the person you're looking for, is looking for?

Everyone is looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. 

We need to stop trying so hard to find the right person and start focusing on becoming the right person for someone to find. 

BECOME WORTH FINDING. 

Is Prince Charming looking for a girl like you? 

Is your princess looking for a guy like you?

Work on becoming someone else's Mr. or Mrs. Right. 

Because if you're depending on them to save you- they're not looking for a guy or a girl like you. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what I've been learning in church this month. And as much as I knew it in the back of my head - it still blew my mind. 

http://northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating/the-right-person-myth/

And now comes the part where we all must heal.

I'll never forget the look on your face when you walked into my house that night.
It gets better. I promise.

Having a shitty life does not equal a get out of jail free card or a free pass to say whatever you want. It's not an excuse to be horrible to people. Shitty lives are supposed to be building blocks for something amazing. You're not supposed to let it eat you up or let it ruin the rest of your life. You're supposed to grow and come out stronger and make people say "wow". You're supposed to be an inspiration to those in the same situation as you. 

Don't succumb to the situation and become another statistic and don't use it as an excuse. 

 "When forced to work within a strict framework, the imagination is taxed to its utmost — and will produce its richest ideas. Given total freedom, the work is likely to sprawl." - T.S. Elliot 

Today i'm going to talk about something that i've never really thought about and is a little bit weird to me.

I've never really bothered to think about how many people actually support my photography.

I've never felt like they didn't support me or that i was worthless or no good at it or anything tragic like that- i just never really sat down and thought about how much my family and friends (and even distant relatives and STRANGERS) support me. 

Sure, a bunch of them look at my pictures, and sometimes like or comment. 

I even have a few regulars on my Flickr account that favorite my pictures- and they're total strangers! (aside from Baron and a few others that don't go on as often) 

I never sat down and thought about it until today. 

See, i entered a photography competition a little bit back and voting for it started today. I posted it to my photography page on Facebook and my personal account and was a bit taken aback by the response. Not only did my family share it to their Facebook walls (which was not a surprise) but a a guy i just recently met and a few of my friend's parents shared it too. Even a few of my parent's friends. It just keeps spreading. Not by the hundreds- but by about a dozen or so? 

It's all a bit bizarre to me. I never really thought about it. And i certainly wasn't expecting it. A few votes and my mom sharing it- perhaps. But not this. 

It's a pleasant surprise though.

:)

Of course, the last person i wanted to see....
God, help me not be bitter. 

You know what irks me?
Like, really gets under my skin?
When people assume that just because a boy is gay, that he is in love with every other boy on the planet. Or if a girl is a lesbian, she's obviously in love with every woman she sees.
That's like saying i, as a girl, am automatically in love with every male of my species that i happen to cross paths with. IT'S RIDICULOUS. People get so uncomfortable thinking "what if they like me".
Yes. They are attracted to your gender. Yes. They may find you nice to look at.
But how is that different than you catcalling at that girl. Or flirting with that boy?
You are just as creepy as you think they are. Society has just justified your feelings and actions as normal. I don't think gay is okay. But i don't hate people who identify as gay and i do my best to treat them as human beings. Because guess what? They ARE human beings. Just like you.
And so what if they do like you?
If they make advances that you find uncomfortable- ask them nicely to stop. Politely tell them you're not interested. Just like a girl turning down a boy she doesn't like.

A friend of mine once asked if two twin sisters who, as it turns out, are both lesbians, would be attracted to each other.
I said "That's like saying you must be attracted to your sister because she's a girl and you're a boy."
He understood my point and the conversation moved on, but it stuck with me.

Just because they're gay doesn't automatically mean that they're in love with you.

Just like because i'm straight doesn't automatically mean that i'm in love with a guy solely because he's a guy.

"Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark."

- N’tima 

"I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."

- Elizabeth GIlbert, Eat, Pray, Love 

You're breaking my heart kiddo. <3 

When i think of you, I won't think about how we don't talk anymore. 

I won't think that you really have no interest in seeing me and i don't want to see you.

I won't think of what you've put me through or what you think of me. 

I won't think of what you've said about me or who you've turned against me. 

No.

When i think of you, I will think of taking fun pictures and both of you- your smiles- beautiful in your own way.

I will think of minecraft and hysterical, unattractive laughter.

I will think of carpooling and mickey mouse pins.

I will think of long walks and the park we always ended up at.

I will think of Mario Kart and goodbye hugs.

I will think of mopeds and laying in soft grassy fields at sunset.

I will think of smiles and adventures. 

I will think of bowling and ridiculous dance moves.  

I will think of soccer games and long conversations in the dark. 

I will think of our silliness despite our ages and how- for a while- it was just the four of us and everything was good. 

You wanted to see me, and i wanted to see you. 

We made plans weeks in advance and we got excited.

There was always laughter and fun stories to be told when i got home.

That doesn't happen anymore.

You have no wish to see me anymore and I have no wish to see you.

One of you hates me and lies about me and the other just doesn't care anymore.

But that's not what i'm going to think about when i think about you. 

Not anymore.

I'm going to think about you with a smile as i remember all the fun we had before. 

I will remember the times when you actually cared about me and i loved you both more than anything and i will pray for you in hopes that someday, somewhere, we can be friends like that again. 

I feel like we're sitting on a time bomb.
I'm not even worried for myself. 
I'm worried for because you don't seem to see or care that something is wrong. 

"You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice" 

"If attention is her 'fix', and 100% of your attention will not suffice, she will look elsewhere for more attention; more than just yours. This is where you get hurt." 

Don't. Just don't. 

You're only mad because you're scared I might be right. 

I don't know. And I don't care. This is what you've done to me. 

I refuse to feel guilty for being privileged.
I do my best not to take any THING or any ONE for granted, 
so don't try to make me feel bad because I'm blessed. 
You of all people should know better.

"Getting things handed doesn't make you spoiled, it makes you fortunate. Being unappreciative makes you spoiled."

I don't owe you anything.
I gave you an explanation to be kind.
To attempt to ease your mind.
I told you everything you wanted to hear. I told you the TRUTH.
And you still don't believe me, so i'm done trying to explain myself.
Think whatever you wish.
Say whatever you want.
Worry your whole life away for all i care- I have nothing more to say to you.

You have no idea how badly I want to go back. 

Introverts

 Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. 

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

http://elibishop.com/2011/07/27/10-myths-about-introverts/

.

You're like my family too now. I can't help but worry about you. 

You've got the Christian talk down. 

Now work on your walk. 

You can't be a light to the world when you are exactly like them. 

There is a difference between

Going out into the world and finding out who you are aside from your parents (which yes, sometimes involves a bit of rebellion) 

And

Being an immature idiot in rebelling just because you think it's fun. 

A BIG difference. 

The people who push you the hardest are the ones that care about you the most.

"What makes marriage worth having is that you, your spouse, and those around you see more of God and his love for us in Jesus. If you’re not experiencing that with your boyfriend, break up with him." 

As much as I LOVE vacations and don't always want to leave, I LOVE coming home from one. 

I love getting off the plane and stretching my legs knowing I'm almost home. 

I love the feeling I get when I pick my bag up off the belt on home soil. 

I love the drive home. Seeing familiar landscape and a Tim Hortons on every highway exit.

I love dropping my bags on the floor and flopping onto my couch. 

I love sleeping in my own bed for the first time in days/weeks. 

When I had my chocolate lab, my favourite thing ever was picking her up from the kennel. To see her come running around the corner was the best feeling. 

I love the overwhelming excitement of hugging my best friends for the first time after I'm back.

I love the exhausted best ever sleep that happens the first night being home.

 

As much as I hate leaving vacations- I LOVE coming home. 

A good debate every now and then can be good for you. But I question why Christians bother debating the finer details like God's will and the Holy Spirit. Yes, those things are crucial to understand- but read the Bible. Don't squabble over who's right or who's wrong and the why of it all. Read the Bible and trust in God. Be still and know and be a light to the world. If we fight amongst ourselves, how are we ever supposed to win souls for Christ? We're so busy preaching at our brother that we forget who we've been commissioned to help. 

How is it that some things start to look up right when other things take a nosedive?
Do you not see what's happening here?

"No, that will never happen."
What just happened?
That.

I *hate* how it is now and want to be done, but a part of me is still holding onto what it was in hopes that things can be normal again. Even if they're not the same.

Imagine this;
You're in the middle of the ocean all alone, treading water. You start loosing strength. Right before you give up and go under, a boat pulls up and throws you a lifeline. Do you argue that there's a better way onto the boat and that a single rope is too exclusive? Of course not! If you were told that that rope is the only way onto the boat, you wouldn't question it.

That is Christianity.
God isn't exclusive because he wants to make our lives hard or for the sake of being exclusive. He's exclusive because his son really is the only way to heaven.
Anyone's free to take it.
Don't argue that there's other ways or that one way is too exclusive, just take the lifeline.

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' " John 14:6

You're not actually free, you've merely chosen a different cage.

So Jesus could DIE, RISE from the dead, and you're trying to put him in a box? How on earth does that make sense?
Anything and everything can and will happen. We just have to be open to ANYTHING he chooses to do. He'll teach us the difference between right and wrong. All we need to do is TRUST our Father.

"Why would God call someone into the secular music industry?" 

I was asked this question this weekend and it REALLY got me thinking....

I believe there shouldn't even BE a secular industry, first off.
We are supposed to be doing God's work. 
Why have we let the devil take over every single industry? 
Every single school? 
Every single city? 
Why have we let crooked men and women lead the way for our nation? 
Our generation? 

Our "idols" are crooked politicians, drugged up celebrities, unhealthy models and 
people who sleep around. 

No wonder we're screwed up.  


But as for the question "Why would God call someone into the secular music industry?" , i answer with a few more questions. 

If we can't be "in and not of" the world, saving the world from the inside out, why are we even here? 
Why did Jesus tell us to go into ALL the world? 
Christian ministries and the Christian music industries are not the ones that need our help. 
If we spend our lives singing solely in the Christian industry how are we supposed to reach the ones that really need our help?
You can sing a song about Jesus on a secular station.
It doesn't have to have the word Jesus in it to be about God. 
You don't have to say Jesus' name to stir people to SEARCH for him.
Sure, it's hard, and many will fail. 
But Jesus still calls us. 
He called Judas knowing well in advance that we would betray him. 
He calls us to do OBEY.
He never intended for us to sit on our asses in our little Christian circles and not BRANCH OUT. 
Jesus hung out with those who NEEDED him. 
He came to save us ALL. 
He CALLED us to branch out.  
If all we ever do is stay in our little Christian circles, our little Christian industries, we're not going to get ANYTHING done. 
We're not going to save ANYONE. 
We will have FAILED our Mark 16:15 duty.
Go into ALL the world. 

Never ask "How do they make me feel?"
Because feelings change.
Instead, ask "In what ways do they make me better and complete me?"
Because love isn't feelings. It's two halves becoming a whole.

Please be careful

I want to spend long days on the beach. 

I want to blast the music with the windows down on a nice long drive. 

I want to continue to stink at longboarding.

I want to plant a garden. 

I want to go outside without wearing six layers.

I want to go barefoot. 

I want to get out my bike. 

I want to see green EVERYWHERE.

I want colourful flowers to bloom. 

I want to take long walks without freezing.

I want hot sunshine and a cool breeze. 

I want picnics and theme parks. 

I want day trips and laughter.
I want to get a tan.

I want to open all the windows.

I want everything to smell fresh.

I want to live in my Toms.

I want to swim and sit in the sand. 

I just want spring and summer to hurry up.

So back in the summer, i was at a friends house.

The brother was still at work and wouldn't be home until dinner, but since he was working in town, we thought we'd pop in for five seconds to say hello before heading off to the park.

At the place where he was working, the family had a dog.

I didn't even see it at first. In fact, i didn't see it until we had said hello and were leaving and i can't recall the breed.

I think it was a border collie, or something fluffy like that. 

The dog didn't bark when we walked by.

It didn't move a single muscle except for a twitch of it's tail and a slight tipping of it's head.

I wondered why, behind it's flimsy little baby gate, it didn't seem all that excited that strangers had come.

At first i wondered if it was just a very well trained dog... until i saw the diaper.

My heart hurt for the dog and for his family. It was old and frail, it would soon have to be put down.

Later that night after dinner, a bunch of us sat downstairs and the subject came up again.

"I feel so bad, they should just put the poor thing down." i said.

The brother that had been working at the house looked at me and said "well you wouldn't put an old woman down if she was sick"*

I recall saying that dogs are different than people and that's pretty much where the conversation ended.

I don't know what brought the story back to my mind today, (I believe it was a friends tweet about the philosophy of putting a suffering ant out of it's misery) but i started to think about it.

Does he think i'm cruel for putting my own dog down when she had a stroke?

Had he been there that day and seen that she couldn't even stand on her own, and could hardly keep her eyes open, would he have said "don't do it" ?

Yes, i consider animals and humans very similar and was glad to know that he wouldn't just take a dogs life with no remorse or while saying "it's just an animal"

But at the same time, i think it's selfish and cruel to keep an animal, hurting that much and that old, alive.

They don't have a soul. They can't comprehend what is wrong or why they hurt. They can't tell you when something hurts.

If it can be fixed- fix it. Don't take a life unnecessarily.

But when the bad days outnumber the good and there's not a thing that can be changed- do what you have to.

 It's unpleasent. It takes a part of your heart. The hurt stays for ages and maybe you'll have regrets, but keeping them alive at that point is cruel. It is SELFISH.

 They've lived a good long life and their time has come.

Yes, the circumstances will always be different.

You may wonder if you're doing the right thing.

A bout with samonella was the cause of the problem with my dog.

She was 10 years old.

Old by some standards, but still had the energy of a six month old puppy.

It was not her time.

But circumstances changed and she was taken away.

To keep her alive would have been cruel, and solely for the sake of MY heart.

I've always thought of dogs almost as little people.

You have to care for them and give them love just like you would a child.

But in this way- our pets and ourselves are different.

*paraphrased of course, seeing as it happened some months back

"I love when you become so close with someone that you can see parts of each other in one another and you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another and have a similar sense of humor and can exchange an inside joke with just a glance you don’t even have to talk because you have such a strong connection with them and you can sit in comfortable silence but also talk for hours it’s really hard to find that kind of compatibility."  - unknown

“The Child Who Was Never Born”

sculptor: Martin Hudáčeka

location: Slovakia

Some people just ACT like they are trying to help you.

""I love it when people are affectionate with me. I like when they always invite me places, or text me, or call me, I wouldn’t even mind if they blew up my fb wall with hearts and what not. I would rather have that person than someone who makes me text them first all the time and replies back like 10 hours later.""   - unknown 

Lilacs are my favourite.

<3