“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.”

I thought it would be easier this time.

I thought i could go to work for the day and be alright.

I thought i wouldn’t fall apart. 

I thought i would be able to hold it together.

I thought i was done crying. 

Hell, I thought this day wouldn't come until winter. 

I thought wrong. 

There's no wagging tail. 

There's no patter of tiny feet.

There's no reason to open the patio curtains first thing in the morning. 

There's no reason to have a can of dog food in the fridge.

There's no one to say goodbye to when i leave. 

There's no greeting when i get home.

There's only dead silence and a hollow feeling. 

Rest in peace

This past weekend my parents were out for the day and happened to be in the town we used to live in. 

Naturally they decided to detour through our old neighbourhood and take a look at our old house as we’ve done so many times before. 

What greeted them was not what they expected. 

The windows are shattered, there are fences surrounding the entire house, the roof has completely collapsed, and the grass is nearly a foot high in places. Apparently it burnt in January and is still in this sad condition now. Evidently it also used to be a grow-op.  

My mom proceeded to take a few pictures (one of which is at the bottom of this post) and send them to my sister and i and it actually struck a chord i was not expecting to be struck. 

I felt such a sadness for this house that i spent six years of my childhood in. 

Six years. 

It’s been more than that since we left that home but i didn’t realize i still held such a deep affection for it.

The collapsed roof of my sisters bedroom and the living room just broke my heart.  

What did they do to my house? :(

I've officially been employed for about a month. 

I love the place and i love the people and i love the work most of the time despite it being very dirty. 

It's strange and sometimes it's scary - but it's good.

On one hand it feels like i've been working there for ages and on the other hand it feels like i just started. 

Today i did something that scared me. I had a job interview. 

I'm not going to lie, i'm glad it's over, but i'm glad i did it. 

Now i just sit waiting until she emails me back...