Every day we define ourselves- by what we say, by what we do, by how we act.
Each day thousands of girls are defining themselves as “Single”
Every time you talk about how you’re single and “single ladies for life” - joking or not - you are defining yourself as nothing more than single. You’re degrading yourself down to one adjective and one adjective only. Single.
When you go on about being single and being patient - no one sees you as happy. No one sees you as creative. No one sees you as spunky or funny or good at your job or any other amazing thing that you are. They just see the big giant sign above your head reading “I’m single”
Yes, being single can be a good thing. You should be strong and happy with whatever season of life you’re in. And when you talk about it - i do agree. 100%. But broadcasting it and joking about it does not say “happy and strong” to me. It says “I’m insecure with being single and i think i’ll only be worth anything when a boy finally chooses me”
You are worth everything.
Jesus still would have died for you even if you never ever have a boyfriend ever.
Because you are enough.
You’re beautiful and smart and have an amazing journey ahead of you.
Yes, it might involve a boy at some point, but that shouldn’t be your goal.
I was reminded of this by an acquaintance of mine this week.
Yesterday was Valentines day, and i get a message in my inbox from a girl i only just met this year, and haven’t spent much time with.
The prelude to the message was that she had single women on her heart that day and she didn’t have a blog so please accept this post in a personal message.
She sent it to me and twenty-some other girls.
The post talked about how we should have goals other than marriage.
That yes, maybe marriage is in our future and it will be a blessing but we should not make it our primary goal .
We should have other goals aside from that.
Living life, enjoying it.
And then, if and when we ever do reach the milestone of marriage , great.
She said everything i’ve ever thought but could never properly express or word.
Yeah, i’m not always happy to be single, same as you. But i don’t let it control my life and how i feel that day.
I try to live my life the best i can and if and when “the one” comes along i will gladly move forward with him.
But i need to move forward by myself too.
I can’t be in the place mentally, spiritually and emotionally that i need to be to be ready for a relationship if i sit on the side of the road waiting for a ride.
I need to get up, and walk.
And enjoy the journey.
That’s why girls bother me lately.
They go around talking about being happy to be single and okay with it.
The joke about it, they have deep conversations about it.
But a lot of them are slipping into the undertone of their words.
Underneath they aren’t truly happy to be single and it’s starting to leak out, even when they’re saying all the right things.
They’re defining themselves as single and they think they need a man to be something great.
They don’t.
But a lot of them believe it. And even some of those who would say they don’t believe it - do.
I blame society.
Aside from being sexist in general, society has taken it one step further.
Not only are we not as good as men. But we’re also pretty useless without one.
You don’t need a man to define you. YOU define you.
You don’t need a man to complete you. Jesus completes you.
A man that loves you is a bonus.
It’s not a goal, or a mission, or even necessary.
We’re all put into this game as single players.
Whether we team up at some point or not does not affect if we win or how we play now.
So ladies, i understand your desire for romance and a man that loves you. I’m in the same boat.
But don’t let it overwhelm you. Define you. Control you. Upset you.
You are awesome.
You are enough.
Player two is out there, but you have to play the game YOUR WAY. NOW. or you’ll never find him.
